Combine one part flag football, one part tear-away warm up pants, and one part tighty whiteys. Blend. Spread on a college freshman named Brent.
Sit back and enjoy the show; you've just created one of my top 5 embarassing moments.
Honestly I don't know what I was thinking. I'm baffled at my foolishness. Why was I wearing tighty whiteys? I guess they provide more support for sports, but still that's no excuse. Tear away pants when people are grabbing around your waist? Are you serious Brent?
I got what was coming to me.
I went out for a screen pass, caught it, made a pretty good juke move, but the defender lunged to grab my flag, pants, and dignity. Then, without abandon, he yanked it all completely away.
There I was with my tighty whiteys hanging out on one of the main fields on campus, with PLENTY of foot traffic. I dropped to the ground, and hastily tried to put the pants back on, but no success; he had unbuttoned EVERY SINGLE button. So, I haphazardly held the pants in front of me and weaved my way back to my dorm; I don't remember anything after that; my guess is that I hid in my room for a few weeks. :)
Lessons learned:
1) No matter the circumstance -- no tighty whiteys
2) Tear away pants are dangerous
In retrospect though, the story was worth the embarrassment; the juice was worth the squeeze.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Medical Gowns
Since it's covered 100% by my insurance, I decided to schedule a preventative checkup with a doctor. Seems like a good thing to do right? Wrong!
Everything started off smoothly ... medical history, blood pressure, ears, eyes, reflexes, yaddi, yaddi, yadda. That took about 10 minutes, so my doctor, Amanda, asks me if I want to go ahead with a physical since the initial part of the appointment was so short. Might as well I think ... so off we go not knowing the dangerous curves ahead.
Amanda hands me the standard medical gown to wear and tells me that her and the nurse will be back shortly to begin the exam; she steps out. I start undressing ... sweatshirt, shirt, shoes, pants, socks, boxers ... ok, naked now. Time for the gown. I look at it ... think to myself -- "Hmm, what the?"
It seems that these gowns can we worn either way -- either you have the front open with the possibility of tying it together or you leave the back open and let your derriere hang out. I decide to try the latter first. Ok, I got it on, butt's hanging out ... doesn't seem right. Not much going on back there in the exam I hope. Plus it didn't feel like it fit quite right, so I start sliding it off and trying it with the front open planning to tie the front down so I'm not flashing everyone.
Just as I'm switching between position #1 and position #2, there is a light knock at the door and Amanda and her female nurse are halfway in the door. There is a light yelp as they hesitate; I tell them to come in as I hastily wrap the rest of the gown around me. They're going to see everything anyway right?
The rest of the appointment the nurse refused to look at me. Also, Amanda informed me that usually the gown is worn with the back open ... oops, my bad!
Turn head, cough ... cough again. Haha!
I'm sure I was the story of the morning that day at the Doctor's office.
Everything started off smoothly ... medical history, blood pressure, ears, eyes, reflexes, yaddi, yaddi, yadda. That took about 10 minutes, so my doctor, Amanda, asks me if I want to go ahead with a physical since the initial part of the appointment was so short. Might as well I think ... so off we go not knowing the dangerous curves ahead.
Amanda hands me the standard medical gown to wear and tells me that her and the nurse will be back shortly to begin the exam; she steps out. I start undressing ... sweatshirt, shirt, shoes, pants, socks, boxers ... ok, naked now. Time for the gown. I look at it ... think to myself -- "Hmm, what the?"
It seems that these gowns can we worn either way -- either you have the front open with the possibility of tying it together or you leave the back open and let your derriere hang out. I decide to try the latter first. Ok, I got it on, butt's hanging out ... doesn't seem right. Not much going on back there in the exam I hope. Plus it didn't feel like it fit quite right, so I start sliding it off and trying it with the front open planning to tie the front down so I'm not flashing everyone.
Just as I'm switching between position #1 and position #2, there is a light knock at the door and Amanda and her female nurse are halfway in the door. There is a light yelp as they hesitate; I tell them to come in as I hastily wrap the rest of the gown around me. They're going to see everything anyway right?
The rest of the appointment the nurse refused to look at me. Also, Amanda informed me that usually the gown is worn with the back open ... oops, my bad!
Turn head, cough ... cough again. Haha!
I'm sure I was the story of the morning that day at the Doctor's office.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Wash those Strawberries!
All my life I've had a knack for being able to eat food which is just about to go bad. It's a calculated risk, but for the most part I've walked the line just fine. My favorite tricks are cutting the mold off cheese and eating the unmolding part in the inside, hard-boiling eggs that are past due, and not worrying about week-old milk.
Once I accidentally drank refridgerated chicken broth thinking it was lemonade. Thanks mom!
Last year I had week-old thanksgiving turkey. Immediately after I was out changing the oil in my car. That must have been some deathly bacteria in that turkey because it hit me as I was under the car. There is nothing good about having to run into the bathroom to puke with oil all over your hands and face. At least that only lasted the evening. My latest adventure with food poisioning was more grueling.
Wash those strawberries! I had some strawberries with dinner a couple weeks ago -- I thought I'd washed them when I brought them home, but I must've been mistaken. I don't know what kind of pesticides and junk are on strawberries, but they must be spicy. During the night, my stomach started getting tied up in knots, my body ached and I couldn't sleep. A stomach flu would have been a picnic compared to this. Going to work in the morning was out of the question. I couldn't eat or drink. When I did choke down water / OJ, it wasn't pleasant coming back up. I threw up at 10 AM, 1 PM, and 4 PM. For 5 minutes afterwards, I thought it was all over. But, each time the relief was fleeting. Watching TV even hurt. The whole episode was mainly over after the 3rd hurl, but I never fully recovered for 2 more days.
Lesson learned.
Once I accidentally drank refridgerated chicken broth thinking it was lemonade. Thanks mom!
Last year I had week-old thanksgiving turkey. Immediately after I was out changing the oil in my car. That must have been some deathly bacteria in that turkey because it hit me as I was under the car. There is nothing good about having to run into the bathroom to puke with oil all over your hands and face. At least that only lasted the evening. My latest adventure with food poisioning was more grueling.
Wash those strawberries! I had some strawberries with dinner a couple weeks ago -- I thought I'd washed them when I brought them home, but I must've been mistaken. I don't know what kind of pesticides and junk are on strawberries, but they must be spicy. During the night, my stomach started getting tied up in knots, my body ached and I couldn't sleep. A stomach flu would have been a picnic compared to this. Going to work in the morning was out of the question. I couldn't eat or drink. When I did choke down water / OJ, it wasn't pleasant coming back up. I threw up at 10 AM, 1 PM, and 4 PM. For 5 minutes afterwards, I thought it was all over. But, each time the relief was fleeting. Watching TV even hurt. The whole episode was mainly over after the 3rd hurl, but I never fully recovered for 2 more days.
Lesson learned.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
No Bake Cookies (impossible!)
This is my Mom's recipe and I've now been put in my place twice by it.
Mom's Famous No Bake Cookies
Melt 1/2 cup Butter in pan -- low heat
Add in 1/2 cup Milk or Half and Half -- more fat = more taste
Add in 2 cups Sugar
Add in 1/3 cup powdered baking Cocoa
Add dash salt Salt
Stir until it all melts together (medium heat then warmer to get to right temp)and reaches 200 degrees
Add 1 & 1/2 handfuls mini-marshmallows
Stir until slightly melted, remove from heat
Add 1/2 cup Peanut Butter -- stirring
Add 1 tsp Vanilla -- stirring
Add 2 cups Oats -- stirring
Keep Stirring
Could add other things (cranberries, other fruits, nuts, etc)
Spoon onto waxed paper immediately
My Place: NOT IN THE KITCHEN!
This recipe doesn't seem too bad, and I usually can follow directions, but I've been foiled twice now. First time I used quadruple the amount of milk, causing everything to be off -- that turned into a chocolaty soupy mess. Note to self -- adding quadruple extra oats to make up for quadruple extra milk does not work. The second time I thought everything was going good. It all boiled, I had the right amounts ... but now the darn things won't harden. They are stuck in a limbo-like state between a cookie and yogurt. This is not a place you want your cookie to be. I think next time I need more heat ... until then, I bow to the "no bake cookie" cooking prowess of Mom.
...
An Update -- 3rd time was the charm. I can rock this recipe now.
Mom's Famous No Bake Cookies
Melt 1/2 cup Butter in pan -- low heat
Add in 1/2 cup Milk or Half and Half -- more fat = more taste
Add in 2 cups Sugar
Add in 1/3 cup powdered baking Cocoa
Add dash salt Salt
Stir until it all melts together (medium heat then warmer to get to right temp)and reaches 200 degrees
Add 1 & 1/2 handfuls mini-marshmallows
Stir until slightly melted, remove from heat
Add 1/2 cup Peanut Butter -- stirring
Add 1 tsp Vanilla -- stirring
Add 2 cups Oats -- stirring
Keep Stirring
Could add other things (cranberries, other fruits, nuts, etc)
Spoon onto waxed paper immediately
My Place: NOT IN THE KITCHEN!
This recipe doesn't seem too bad, and I usually can follow directions, but I've been foiled twice now. First time I used quadruple the amount of milk, causing everything to be off -- that turned into a chocolaty soupy mess. Note to self -- adding quadruple extra oats to make up for quadruple extra milk does not work. The second time I thought everything was going good. It all boiled, I had the right amounts ... but now the darn things won't harden. They are stuck in a limbo-like state between a cookie and yogurt. This is not a place you want your cookie to be. I think next time I need more heat ... until then, I bow to the "no bake cookie" cooking prowess of Mom.
...
An Update -- 3rd time was the charm. I can rock this recipe now.
Monday, March 3, 2008
MickyD's
Often time fades the sting of a bad experience. Other times the opposite is true.
Let me set the stage.
After a long and arduous night of consuming copious amounts of alcohol after the Zags tragic slaying at the hands of the Tennessee Volunteers in the 2007 Battle in Seattle, my GU crew and I decided we needed ot refuel on McDonalds. On principal, I avoid most fast food and very rarely touch MickyD’s, but on this day a sausage biscuit and classic Egg McMuffin had me pretty excited. Definitely something was wrong.
Stage is set, ACT I.
Walk into MickyD’s, everything is cool, no line, breakfast still being served, right on! Get up to the counter and start the order.
Brent (lazily pronouncing because of hangover): “Can I have a sausage mcmuffin, egg mcmuffin, and a yogurt ... to go”
Cashier (language barrier apparrent): “Ok, 2 sausage mcmuffin and egg mcmuffin.”
Brent: “Huh, no – one sausage mcmuffin and you forgot my yogurt.”
Cashier (no change): “2 sausage mcmuffins and egg mcmuffin.”
Brent (using hand gestures): “No, no. 1 yogurt, 1 sausage mcmuffin, 1 egg mcmuffin”
Cashier (seeming to understand, nodding): “Ok”
BRENT WAITS FOR FOOD, INTERMISSION
FOOD ARRIVES, ACT II
Here comes the food, disguised in the to go bag. Brent peers in, NO FREAKING YOGURT. Not having the heart to try to explain the situation to the rest of the language-impaired staff, Brent succumbs to his fate ... But, he does want some ketchup.
ACT III
Brent to food deliverer: “Can I have some ketchup please”
Food Deliverer doesn’t say a word, simply picks out ONE ketchup packet and drops it into Brent’s bag.
Brent: “THIS IS THE WORST MCDONALDS EVER!”
Brent walks out angrily (but still enjoys the sausage mcmuffin and egg mcmuffin sans yogurt).
THE END
A few lingering questions ...
1) Where is my freaking yogurt? Did I imagine ordering it?
2) Who gives out 1 ketchup packet? Are you serious?
Let me set the stage.
After a long and arduous night of consuming copious amounts of alcohol after the Zags tragic slaying at the hands of the Tennessee Volunteers in the 2007 Battle in Seattle, my GU crew and I decided we needed ot refuel on McDonalds. On principal, I avoid most fast food and very rarely touch MickyD’s, but on this day a sausage biscuit and classic Egg McMuffin had me pretty excited. Definitely something was wrong.
Stage is set, ACT I.
Walk into MickyD’s, everything is cool, no line, breakfast still being served, right on! Get up to the counter and start the order.
Brent (lazily pronouncing because of hangover): “Can I have a sausage mcmuffin, egg mcmuffin, and a yogurt ... to go”
Cashier (language barrier apparrent): “Ok, 2 sausage mcmuffin and egg mcmuffin.”
Brent: “Huh, no – one sausage mcmuffin and you forgot my yogurt.”
Cashier (no change): “2 sausage mcmuffins and egg mcmuffin.”
Brent (using hand gestures): “No, no. 1 yogurt, 1 sausage mcmuffin, 1 egg mcmuffin”
Cashier (seeming to understand, nodding): “Ok”
BRENT WAITS FOR FOOD, INTERMISSION
FOOD ARRIVES, ACT II
Here comes the food, disguised in the to go bag. Brent peers in, NO FREAKING YOGURT. Not having the heart to try to explain the situation to the rest of the language-impaired staff, Brent succumbs to his fate ... But, he does want some ketchup.
ACT III
Brent to food deliverer: “Can I have some ketchup please”
Food Deliverer doesn’t say a word, simply picks out ONE ketchup packet and drops it into Brent’s bag.
Brent: “THIS IS THE WORST MCDONALDS EVER!”
Brent walks out angrily (but still enjoys the sausage mcmuffin and egg mcmuffin sans yogurt).
THE END
A few lingering questions ...
1) Where is my freaking yogurt? Did I imagine ordering it?
2) Who gives out 1 ketchup packet? Are you serious?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
A Great Sports Day
Sports are important to me. It all goes back to the thrill of competition for me. I think this personality trait stems from my nature and not my nurture. Although growing up with a 16 month younger brother who was bigger than me at age 5 and excelled in sports (baseball especially) probably had something to do with it.
In any case, I am a big sports fan and days like January 5th, 2008 don't occur too often.
A Recap:
Seattle Seahawks defeat Washington Redskins (35-14) in the Wild-Card round
Washington State Cougars Men’s Basketball defeat University of Washington -- Go Cougs!
Gonzaga Bulldogs Men’s Basketball defeat University of Georgia -- Go Zags!
Tom Brady selected NFL MVP -- You're my Boy TB!
In any case, I am a big sports fan and days like January 5th, 2008 don't occur too often.
A Recap:
Seattle Seahawks defeat Washington Redskins (35-14) in the Wild-Card round
Washington State Cougars Men’s Basketball defeat University of Washington -- Go Cougs!
Gonzaga Bulldogs Men’s Basketball defeat University of Georgia -- Go Zags!
Tom Brady selected NFL MVP -- You're my Boy TB!
A Few Brentisms
“Work hard, play hard.” -- Unknown; I’ve been singing this mantra for a while now.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” – Papa Bero
"Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail" -- Christina
“Lack of preparation on your part doesn’t make it an emeregency on mine” – Papa Bero
“Miscommunication leads to DISASTER” – Ryan Wells
“I don’t puke; I take off my shoes and hang out” – Me in one of my finer drunken moments
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” – Papa Bero
"Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail" -- Christina
“Lack of preparation on your part doesn’t make it an emeregency on mine” – Papa Bero
“Miscommunication leads to DISASTER” – Ryan Wells
“I don’t puke; I take off my shoes and hang out” – Me in one of my finer drunken moments
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